Bucket List

Thanks to the 2007 Hollywood hit “The Bucket List” it has become rather chic to contemplate your life’s dreams and goals and compile your own personal “bucket list”. Cyberspace is loaded with aides for doing so; blogs to help you maintain and share your list and books you can purchase to teach you how to compile your list. No doubt there is probably a formula for psychologically evaluating yourself based on the items you choose to include on your list… I guess current thinking is that this sort of practice is important and will allow us all to become more self-actualized and enlightened.

Maybe you have a Bucket List of your own…Perhaps it’s not all officially typed up or in writing but at least mentally stashed away in a corner of your mind where you can easily retrieve it and track your progress...things you’ve always wanted to do, places you’ve always wanted to see…

I’m not really sure what prompted me to start contemplating this concept in relation to being a cancer survivor, but I did…

My thoughts led me to question, “at the end of my life will the activities I was able to cross off my Bucket List bring me true satisfaction? Ultimately, will those things really matter to me? Will it be easier to leave this planet because I swam with the dolphins or ran a marathon? Will I breathe my last breath more confidently and with less fear because I sailed around the world. For me, the answer was a confident “no”.

But that’s me…I’m a cancer survivor and we cancer survivors don’t always see things the way the rest of the world does. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish new experiences as much, if not more than the next guy. I love to travel and try new things. I love to meet new people and consider myself a life-long learner. Yes, experiences are important to me and add to my happiness.

I guess I don’t have a problem with the idea of prioritizing the things you want to do in your lifetime: call it a Bucket List, your life’s goals etc.   What I do have a problem with is the assumption that these important and highly valued experiences will ultimately make some sort of difference, give my life more meaning, or bring me to the point of ultimate contentment.

My life experience has taught me, in a very real way, that

     It isn’t about what you do; it’s about who you are.

And so I reject the idea that I need to do certain things in order to live my best life.

I cherish my life simply for what it is…LIFE !!!… every breath is a gift, just being alive and able to experience a new day, as boring or exciting as it might end up being is fulfilling. I don’t need thrills, what I need is the ordinary. I want to go to bed at night smiling to myself thanking God for the people I do life with everyday; sharing life’s simple pleasures like a chat over a cup of coffee or a phone call with an old friend. At the end of the day what will make my life meaningful and allow me to leave this Earth in peace is knowing that in my own imperfect, flawed way I made a difference in other’s lives by showing love, compassion and kindness in the midst of the small everyday unimportant activities that make up my world.   

Thirteen years ago I almost lost my life. Thankfully, in God’s perfect plan I was granted a second chance. A second chance not to do more things, but to just “be”. I don’t need a Bucket List. I just want to, as Kenny Chesney sings, “thank my lucky stars that I’m alive and well!”

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well

It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well