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When I contemplate all that I have been through I often
reflect on the most difficult day of my life; the day of my diagnosis.
For those of you who
have never been stricken with cancer my initial reaction might surprise
you. For those of you who have, it still
might…
The following is my best recollection of my thought process
immediately after being told I had M.M.
Doctor: You have Multiple Myeloma. I suggested you see the
specialist in Milwaukee and do everything he tells you to do. If not, you will
be dead in 5 years. ( not the sensitive type)
Me: (pathetically looking at my husband) I am sorry.
I’m sorry????
What was I sorry for? It wasn’t like I had any control over
this. It wasn’t like I did anything to cause this. Here’s why I was sorry. I was thinking “ I can’t believe I am doing this to my family. How will they manage? Nothing
will ever be the same again for any of us”. That crisp, clear October day was
surely the beginning of the end. It was very sad…
Now, before I go any further I don’t want to give the
impression that I am just that selfless. I am not.
No personal strength on my part was the basis for my
reaction. This was…
I have an amazing close and loving family!
We are so close that inevitably when one of us hurts it
affects everyone. How could I bear the
burden of destroying all of their lives? I was overwhelmed…
As time went on, through prayer and verbalizing my feelings, I was able to move past this initial reaction. Once my treatment plan was in
place, a glimmer of hope returned and my guilt subsided a bit.
As our family plan of action unfolded everyone fell into
their role: child care giver, bone marrow donor, prayer warrior, meal preparer,
housekeeper…the list goes on.
Then there was my husband. What was his role? I’ll just call
it “caregiver extraordinaire”.
Of course, my
diagnosis devastated him. But I did not know that. He had an uncanny ability to
talk me out of any funk. When I stupidly went on the internet and read about
how fatal a Myeloma diagnosis was he would talk me down from my panic with a
voice of reason and assurance that everything was going to be all right. He was
really good at it! I believed him! He would repeat back to me positive things my
doctor had said about my prognosis; good things that I had allowed the panic to
erase from my memory. He was flawless in his understanding of what I needed to
hear. It helped that he always truly believed that I was going to be
ok, but even if he had not been so confident the same words would have helped
me just the same.
Undoubtedly, the greatest gift he gave to me was
encouragement, but he did so much more for me.
He cared for our two children, got them where they need to be, attempted
to keep us financially afloat, maintained two households (our home and the
house we rented near the hospital), took on the role of my PR spokesman, spent
at least 4 days a week at my bedside going to work the other 3 days. The list
of sacrifices he made for me goes on and on….
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper who is just right for him." Gen 2:18
God blessed me with a helper who was just right for me.
Marriage is about give and take, highs and lows and a
commitment to be there for the long haul despite the storms of life. Easier
said than done, no doubt, but so worth the investment. Having a lifelong helper
is a blessing well worth the pain the journey sometimes brings. I am so
thankful for his unwavering commitment to me.
Yes, my diagnosis brought overwhelming sadness to many
people I love very much. I am sorry for that.
But more than sadness, I now feel intense thankfulness for
the support each of them gave me. I am thankful that the cords of our lives entwined, tightened and strengthened for the fight. I could not have survived without any one of
those in my close inner support circle.
The seasons of our lives change as surely as summer turns to
fall and at some time in our lives we will all need to care for others and at
other time we will be the ones being cared for. When your turn to be caregiver
comes I would suggest you to do these things:
1-
ALWAYS be an encourager. Encouragement allows us
to hope; hope is necessary for recovery.
2-Ask your loved one what they would like you to make
your priority. Everyone is on a different journey and this will vary from
person to person; for some handling finances might be imperative, others might want
your priority to be helping with the children.
Figure out your first priority then rally the troops to meet the needs
you cannot. You can't do it all.
3-If at all possible, take care of yourself. A little “me” time can go a long way in your
ability to serve someone in a medical crisis.
4-If you are a person of faith PRAY HARD. Ask others to do the same. God is SO good and
wants desperately to carry our burdens for us. Relinquish control of the future
to Him. You will never regret it! He does not disappoint…
