Keys
to happiness after cancer: #1… It’s not
about me!
I admit it, when you have cancer it IS all
about you…we go into self-preservation mode big time. We can’t help it; we have
to. When I was sick SO much attention was lavished on me. While hospitalized I
was daily asked about my pain level by numerous health professions. Everyone
cared about me. I was given a buzzer and was able to summons assistance at any
time of the day, 24 hours a day. Family and friends sacrifice their time to
stay with me, feed me, bathe me, make me laugh… Though a bit twisted, the
reality is cancer patients become really popular. Everyone is at our beckon call. We receive
constant accolades about how strong we are, how inspiring we are ...If I wasn’t
so concerned about dying, I might have really relished the new found fame!
Then I got better…Not only did I recover but I
moved 6 hours away. Guess what? No one in my new life “knew me when”…They never
saw my bald head or my emaciated body. They never experienced my morphine
induced hallucinations, they had no idea that we had to sell our home to pay my
medical bills, they never saw the port hanging out of my chest or the pill box
filled with over 40 daily ingestions. Bottom line, they had no idea how “special”
I was. One day someone was not very nice to me. I thought, ” how can they be
mean to me, don’t they know what I’ve been through?”
With
time, and much introspection, I realized I needed to re-focus. I needed to move
towards using what I’d been through to help others. Thankfully, I was able to secure
jobs in social service agencies which afforded me many opportunities to become “others
focused”.
The
opening line of the best-selling book “The Purpose Driven Life” is “IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU..." I highly recommend reading
it if you are struggling to find your place in the world. Rick Warren’s words
spoke volumes to me about my need to move past my cancer experience to a place
of emotional healing and a realization that even if I’m not “special” anymore I
still have an important purpose.
To my surprise, I found that post cancer I am actually better equipped to empathize with the
hurting in my world. I understand
pain, I understand the panic that comes when life's circumstances spiral out of control. I
understand paralyzing fear. I understand hopelessness. I may not be special anymore but I AM better equipped
to serve others, which ultimately makes me my happiest.
Quotes
from ― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life:
What on Earth am I Here for?
“Experience is not what happens to you. It is
what you do with what happens to you. Don’t waste your pain; use it to help
others.”
“Other people are going to find healing in
your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will
come out of your deepest hurts.”
“Humility is not thinking
less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Humility is thinking more of
others.”
