Keys
to happiness after cancer: #2… Relinquishing Control
When I was 23 yrs old I started learning about relinquishing
control. My husband and I were married when I was 20. By the age of 23 I had
already had 2 miscarriages. I was baffled. My mom had 6 healthy, uneventful
pregnancies, what was with me??? Try as
I might, there was nothing I could do to guarantee I would carry a baby full
term. I concluded with dismay that getting pregnant, and staying pregnant was
apparently out of my control.
Though deeply saddened, we were able to move on and conclude
that perhaps God’s plan was for us to adopt. We decide to give pregnancy one
more try.The third time was a charm. At 7 months pregnant my husband and I
started Lamaze classes. One night towards the end of the 8 week class the
teacher instructed us to look around the room; she then informed us that one
out of every 5 woman present would deliver their babies by c-section. With that
proclamation I looked around determining who the most vulnerable of my
classmates might be. It sure wasn’t going to be me. My mom was a baby birthing
machine, now that I had sustained a healthy pregnancy childbirth was going to
be a piece of cake. Heck, I wasn’t even going to use pain meds.
I was wrong… ends up I am not a baby birthing machine. Try
as I might, I was unable to deliver a 10 ½ pound baby without surgery. The
ability to naturally birth a child was apparently also out of my control.
And so my adventure into letting go of control continued until my diagnosis with Multiple Myeloma in 1998. Those years between 1981 and
1998 were, of course, filled with many other life lessons on how little control I
actually had over my life, but nothing compared to the realization I was now
facing. I was being required to relinquish control of my very life! My future years with my family. My
time on Earth.
Being diagnosed with a disease that is considered
“incurable” sucks the air out of every ounce of your being. The initial panic
is almost more than you can humanly bear. Slowly, I had to accept the
inevitable. My survival is ultimately out of my control. So then, I had to ask
myself, if not me, then who? Who IS in control? The answer came from a still
small voice in the depth of my soul. God’s spirit flooded me with peace telling
me He was in control, and totally and completely able to carry me through this, and any of life's challenges. Thereafter, I was filled with a
supernatural sense of being cradled in my loving Father’s arms. I did not know
His plan for me, but I knew He HAD a plan for me.
Trusting wasn’t always easy,
but ultimately my mental calisthenics always brought me back to a place of
surrender to His will for my life. The Bible says God ordained the days of my
life before I was born. There was nothing I could do to change His course for
my life. It was neat to see the way
God’s spirit ministered to me in my deepest times of need. I was greatly comforted by worship music, specifically Darlene Zschech.
My anthem of strength
became “Shout to the Lord”. The Psalms were a balm to my wounds. I soaked up all
scriptures about God rescuing His people; sheltering and protecting them. The
more I learned about God’s nature and His everlasting perfect love for me the
easier it became for me to relinquish control of my life to Him. That was 13
years ago…and He hasn’t failed me yet.
Letting go isn't easy but it's the only way to truly experience the peace that passes all understanding...
My
Jesus, My Saviour, Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days I want to praise the wonders of Your mighty love.
My comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength;
let every breath, all that I am never cease to worship You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing. Power and majesty, praise to the King;
mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands, forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
All of my days I want to praise the wonders of Your mighty love.
My comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength;
let every breath, all that I am never cease to worship You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing. Power and majesty, praise to the King;
mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands, forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
A friend recently posted this letter
from God on her facebook:
I am involved in each moment of your life. I have carefully
mapped out every inch of your journey through this day, even though much of it
may feel haphazard. Because the world is in a fallen condition, things always
seem to be unraveling around the edges. Expect to find trouble in this day. At
the same time, trust that My way is perfect, even in the midst of such messy
imperfection.
Stay conscious of Me as you go through this day, remembering that I never leave your side. Let the Holy Spirit guide you step by step, protecting you from unnecessary trials and equipping you to get through whatever must be endured. As you trudge through the sludge of this fallen world, keep your mind in heavenly places with Me. Thus the Light of My Presence shines on you, giving you Peace and Joy that circumstances cannot touch.
Stay conscious of Me as you go through this day, remembering that I never leave your side. Let the Holy Spirit guide you step by step, protecting you from unnecessary trials and equipping you to get through whatever must be endured. As you trudge through the sludge of this fallen world, keep your mind in heavenly places with Me. Thus the Light of My Presence shines on you, giving you Peace and Joy that circumstances cannot touch.
